I thought I’d write about this because I’m taking my anger out on others. I am very angry at the moment.
And for that I apologise. If you have been on the receiving end, I am sorry. I don’t want to feel like this.
I have already apologised in person but I’m doing again. For the world to see.
Sorry to the Plusnet person… but seriously you better fix my wifi or I will be livid!
And I’m sorry to the people I work with. Nothing is really that important to get so upset about. Life is too short.
But I’m still angry…
Angry that I have a life threatening allergy to nuts and diary.
Angry that I have just had yet another avoidable anaphylactic reaction.
Angry that I cannot do anything about it.
I’ve been through this process before in September last year and I have learnt a lot about how to cope, so I’m arming myself with all the protection and tactics I need to get through this.
Last year I wrote a very useful blog post, “10 Tips for dealing with rage, fear and anxiety about anaphylactic attacks”.
I’m finding it invaluable to myself now and I wrote it!
But what I wanted to add to this is that through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) I learnt that it’s OK.
It’s a normal reaction to have after what’s happened.
So I’m saying Hi to rage and anger.
Hello again my old friend.
I’m not getting angry with anger because that won’t help.
Instead I am examining it. Looking at it carefully and letting it sit with me.
For now it’s not going anywhere. But it doesn’t want to be with me. It wants to leave just as much as I want it to.
I’m spending a lovely quiet evening in with my rage and my tears tonight. I’m going to write down how I feel and I’m going to burn the paper I write this on. Thanks Nat @intolerantGourmand for this reminder. I have done this before but had forgotten how powerful it was at helping me let go of past anger.
I won’t be sharing what is making me angry.
This is private. This is just between me and my rage.
Please respect my wishes not to talk about what has happened to me. I can’t at the moment but I will, all in good time.
Because I have learnt a lot and want to share it with you guys.
But watch out. Don’t annoy me because you just might get more than you bargained for…
The emotional cost of living with a life threatening and life limiting condition is very underlooked.
It isn’t treated. There is no cure.
Though we all carry around our Adrenaline injectors, our first line of defence should an attack happen, we don’t get any help dealing with the daily stress, exhaustion, exclusion, anxiety and pain living like this causes.
I have been so lucky to be able to self refer through Healthy Minds but I think this is only available in Buckinghamshire. I would highly recommend Healthy Minds to anyone in the area. It’s been a lifeline to me and I feel so privileged to have had this opportunity.
Are you angry? How do your allergies make you feel? Let’s chat. Together we make some of the pain seem less unbearable.